


Breathing Colors

by the_realduck



Series: Freezing [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Ficlet, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-09 15:26:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3254822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_realduck/pseuds/the_realduck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean knows he is a fucking mess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathing Colors

Dean knows he is a fucking mess.

He can’t remember a time when everything didn’t feel completely fucked up, can’t remember feeling normal; sometimes he wonders if it’s just the way he’s wired because it feels like the world is spinning out of control.

He knows he looks good, knows that he draws people in with his confidence and the sticky-sweet words that fall from his lips like poison. Dean finds it ironic actually, because he destroys anything he touches.

But a switch was flipped when he stumbled across a man with messy hair and soft words. Piercing blue eyes cut through all of the shades of grey, and Dean felt like he stuck his finger in a light socket because everything was electrified.

Blue was eyes that made Dean feel like he was imploding, soft purple was shared kisses in the early moments before dawn, orange was laughter in the kitchen, and red was overwhelming pleasure that Dean could taste on his tongue.

Cas was color and Dean clutched at it with both hands, trying to drown himself in the new found hues.

After the explosive red, Dean would lie beside Cas and try to breathe, because everything was overwhelming, surely his fragile human body wasn't made to hold all of this. He tried to tell himself that this was nothing, nothing at all, but deep down he was whispering, _how did I live without this for so long_?

(Nobody ever made him taste colors like this man did.)

Lying to himself was easy, because Cas wasn’t good with words, but he couldn't pretend anymore when three words were gasped out of Cas’ pink lips; words that seared into Dean with gold and silver and colors that he couldn’t even describe.

He couldn't handle the thought of poisoning this man with his perpetual darkness, of dimming the hues of Cas; Dean knows that if he waited until morning, he would crumble to the blue of those eyes.

So he slipped from between the sheets, and erased every part of him from Cas’ apartment; then he got in the impala and drove and drove until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore and the urge to be sick was beaten down.

He had thought that without Cas his life would go back to the black tones of before, but instead he finds himself plunged in a bruise-toned world. Deep purple and dull green where there used to be a full spectrum, and no matter how many mistakes he falls into bed with, no matter how many drinks he tries to destroy himself with, he can’t forget the taste of colors on his tongue.

Dean sits on the bathroom floor in a stranger's apartment with his hands in his hair because his head is spinning, or maybe the room is spinning, he doesn't fucking know anymore, and he squeezes his eyes shut but he can still see the color burnt into his brain, and _god_ this would be so much easier if he could forget, fuck just **FORGET PLEASE FORGET**.

But he can't.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is loved.


End file.
